Big is Beautiful


I’ve never had much luck in love. I’ve always been the  ugly  least attractive chic in my group of friends. Seriously, I have this habit of subconsciously choosing really hot women as friends. So I’d be the one who always pays for her own drinks, occasionally getting the pity drink. If a guy wanted to talk to one of my girl’s, his wing-man would be sent in to distract me…yes fellas, we can tell when you’re playing ‘divide and conquer’. I’d be left guarding the table while the rest went off to get their groove on and would be the hanger-on during out of town trips.

I’m not a monster or anything, I just never seemed to fit what society deems beautiful or attractive. I’m not slim and tall with legs that go on forever, with deep hazel eyes you can drown in and perfect curves. I’m a chubster! A big girl, with a bigger attitude! I got used to being overlooked and often behaved like a Tom (lesbian that would be the ‘guy’ in a relationship), figured it’s just how things were and I’d probably die alone. No, it’s not a I-feel-sorry-for-myself-comment, just a fact I was comfortable with.

Imagine my surprise one night at Brew when this good looking bloke…tall, dark and handsome, approaches me. He has a West African accent but his suave approach left this girl a tad defenseless. He was engaging and witty, problem was, he was leaving for home…that night was his send off.  *sigh*

After that there’s been a stream of west African men who have approached me. They are persistent, some charming others simply let their money do the talking for them. Lately it’s been a lot of the latter. The latest guy is stubborn. Whenever I’m at the local watering hole, he just happens to be there (starting to think he’s got a security detail following me). He always manages to get the waiter to give him my bills and will try to be all buddy buddy with my girlfriends. One of them (traitor) must have given him my number because he constantly calls or texts with updates of his life and asks if we can do dinner. His mistake for me was trying to buy me. He tried to give me money..I mean a wad of American Bills, tried to buy me a car and offered to take me apartment hunting. It feels a lot like he’s trying to set me up as his paid mistress. lol No thanks.

It seems like West African men appreciate the voluptuous African woman. The compliments I’ve received and the offers made (some incredibly tempting) have made me change my view of myself. I am a beautiful African woman with a lot more cushion for the pushin’. 🙂 My trip to Lagos sealed that theory. I started to wonder why I never got this from Kenyan men.

My current boo, lovingly known as  Molesto, is Kenyan and thinks I’m a beautiful goddess (I exaggerate) but the way he sees me is still a shock to the system. I’m starting to realize that there are more Kenyan men now who appreciate the bigger lady and have come to realize that a pot belly can give good loving to.

All those days I thought I was the ugly duckling was just a vibe I was giving off (as Molesto explained). Apparently a lot of bigger women come off as overly aggressive or have low self esteem, neither of which will score you a free drink. I think with West African brathas, they are a little more used to the aggressive nature of women…Kenyan guys, some not all, don’t want to have to battle their way in. I guess that’s why when I do a tally, I’ve been approached more times by one of them…that and my apparently delicious curves lol.

If my bigger sisters can see themselves as the sexual beings they are, they’d probably score themselves a Molesto. If you ooze confidence, intelligence, sex appeal and don’t let skinny bitches slim women intimidate you…you’ll be amazed at how many free drinks come your way.

Big is beautiful baby, believe it.

I’d like to know what you think holds big girls back…leave your comments below. 🙂


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