Shark Week

Once a month for 5-7 days I seriously contemplate having my uterus removed, especially considering I am not especially inclined towards motherhood.

For those of you who still don’t know what I’m on about I’m referring to the joy that is the period during the menstrual cycle – when a woman bleeds from her vagina. Stop cringing your not 5!

Now women are given the amazing ability to give life to a new human being, the downside is shark week, when the oven isn’t quite in use. Some women kind of breeze through it while others feel very near to death.

Let’s start with a little education:


Every month, a woman looses from 4 teaspoons to 1 cup of blood along with tissue and mucus. This is sometimes accompanied by cramps, nausea and a runny tummy, mood swings, random ass cravings and mild self loathing. Some women have it pretty bad with day 1 and 2 of their period being an absolute nightmare.

Why is this shit necessary? Honestly. Rats absorb their uterine lining and move the fuck on, why can’t we do that? One argument I’ve heard is that it is a punishment passed down from Eve’s sin in the Garden of Eden. -_- OK.

Let’s not forget, it tends to be when some women are at their horniest. Your need to make love is made seriously complicated by the fact that you’re bleeding between your legs. There are some pretty open minded men who will throw down a towel and get things done or even some who are willing to get their red wings badge of honor. Otherwise on top of the fact that your body is retaliating against you, you also have to deal with sexual frustration.

Though unlikely, you can get pregnant during your period so don’t skip on protection.

Then there’s the paranoia that everyone knows you’re on and if you where shorts or skirts, your pad might be peeking through. Then there’s the stain fear…which each woman has experienced at some point. While we’re here, there’s the endless choices of brands, each being more expensive and less effective than the next. By age 30 you’ll have tried everything from pads to diva cups just to figure out what will make you feel less like you peed in your adult diaper.

The mood swings can be pretty tame but there are those months when you feel a little crazy, crying for no reason one moment and hysterically rolling on the ground because your cat meowed. Gentlemen, this is not a good time to point out things, no matter how trivial they are to you.


So how can you get through them, because they aren’t going away until you hit menopause? Buzzfeed shared a few tips:


What are some of your shark week peeves?




Let me know what you think :)

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